Music That Moves You

I don't know about you guys, but there are times in my life that are defined by music. The summer after I graduated High school was Tom Petty and a whole lot of country. My first year in college was Garth Brooks and Shania Twain. There are times I hear a song and it takes be back to a time, good or bad, and makes me nostalgic or melancholy. Some of my all time favorites are Hymns, I love them! Often times on special ones I can hear my grandfather singing along, that's true of some country songs. I mean just the other day I put on a 60's country music station and heard a song and had to step back and let the memory run it's course. It was a song we had played when Grandpa Great was on his death bed and we were just playing music in the back ground. Some song about Laredo.

All that to say, there are some songs and an artist right now that Ive been listening too. Here are the lyrics to one of her songs that I use as a "get out the door song".

You Say

Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet You have every failure, God, and You’ll have every victory You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Oh, I believe Yes, I believe What You say of me Oh, I believe

Every time I listen to this song the words move in different ways, like every day it's something different that speaks to me. Some days it about brings me to my knees. There are a few other songs that she has that I really enjoy. But for now, that one and Trust You is the other one I really listen too.

Alright, now I'm off to work. I have 2 jobs...first job I love and it doesn't feel like work, the other job IS work and I don't particularly enjoy it. BUT it's a job...I also opted to not work at the pumpkin patch this year.  I really should have...I miss working there and I know I'm going to miss the little paycheck as well. That money will be missed come early November and on into Christmas.  Hindsight is 20/20 they say. Hopefully next year I will be able to have  a spot there and work.  It will be tough and is always physically draining, and I miss out on things but that little paycheck really does make a difference in our little world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

This link takes you ( I hope) to watch Lauren Daigle's video of You Say...enjoy

Musings of a Lost Woman

You know, I have had so many thoughts about what to post that I told myself you'll remember!  Seriously, I'm sitting here and the last laugh is on me!  I can't think of a thing, although I know I have a million things I could post about. It's the picking one and then putting it into words...yeah that part.

So much is going on in my tiny world that I just feel like I don't have time to process it all. Shoot I don't even know where to start!

You know , I have a few posts I haven't posted yet, rantings really. I read one just now and it made me sad. Sad because in 6 years, nothing really changed in some really important relationships. Like we tried all over again, but as of this last summer, well not even summer, try May. It all fell apart again. There isn't one thing but many things on both sides that  brought this on.  One side has opted to, in my eyes, essentially walk way. The other side, me, isn't quite ready to let it go (but maybe I should?) and walk away. Probably because that means giving up and I'm not sure I'm ready. Also, not sure I've done all I can to make it better. I'm also positive I'm not willing to back down on my stance on a few things, but also know I could do better in some areas.  Those areas I'm just out of practice or never had the habit to begin with. Some of that comes with the kind of relationship I have with them. They just aren't people I call and go to for much. Most people I think go to certain people for a lot of things, but I don't and haven't for a long time, maybe (well shoot now I have to figure out how old I am to figure that one out) 21 yrs now. Things have just always been rocky with some good times in between.

This relationship is a big part of what has been going on in my tiny world...So much to say but when one party isn't willing to listen anymore and they aren't willing to back down on their stance, we have a failure to communicate. That's what we have. I have asked to meet in person but was met with a no that will be pointless. I've asked for things to be clarified and was met with no clarification or trying to clarify but fell short because it was over texts. We ALL know that texting leaves things open for interpretation...never in a good way it seems. Texting has it's drawbacks...just saying. So now I'm left wondering and scratching my head. Have they just walked away from me or have they walked away from me and my boys and my husband?  Some days I think it's all of us, and others I think it's just me. 

I do text from time to time but they either choose to not reply or they have blocked my number. Email seems to work. Had to email them about one of my children and wondering if they were gonna go to a function later on. Seems they want the option to stay open but it's a crap shoot on what will actually happen.

I know I'm frustrated and I know they are too, but it seems to me that this isn't the best option either. However, I think it seems to be working for them and therefore have chosen to keep it that way until it no longer works for them. Which is sad, because they will be missing out on a lot of things and have certainly missed out on forging a relationship with my children in their formative years. It will be interesting to see how they handle that, the older they get and the older my boys get and if their will be any regret on their part. It will be interesting to see what my children do in the future. Outside of a birthday card and Christmas card every year, that's about what the relationship consists of...that I can see right now. Too bad it isn't more.

Too bad it's not more for everyone, including them and me and my husband.  I have regrets for sure, I wonder if they do? I wonder if they think they could have handled things different and responded different. I'm sure I could have, not sure on what though but there is always room for improvement. and Lord know I'm not perfect, because that's the way I was made, but there is ALWAYS room for improvement and change. Or in other words...Forgiveness and Grace!

Dang it if those words and actions don't keep cropping up for me!

Well the more I keep rereading this, the more it sounds and looks like gibberish...so lol, have fun reading the gibberish or don't read. This is really for me and REALLY hoping this helps my anxiety and insomnia. Because let me tell you people, it is really difficult to solve world problems on a lack of sleep.

On that note, I have children who are mad I locked the TV's , computers, and took phones away. So I must go and well, do nothing!

Until the next time come on and blather away....