No pictures today...Just some verbal vomit for ya...
1) We are the embodiment of the Griswold's this year...the kids have wrecked our 'new' Christmas tree (we bought it last year)...we no longer have lights that work because the part that plugs into the outlet...well it just flat out fell off...we are looking into if there is a warranty. That part shouldn't just fall off even though my kids wouldn't stop touching it and running around it and into it.
2) To add icing on the cake...our lights outside...well those are new also. We bought the LED lights and they are pretty slick and we all like them. The catch...they come with a remote and have about 500 settings (not really that much) to choose from. Wanna guess at who had the remote last? Yeah...he's not telling where it's at...or rather because he's 5 he can't remember. Soooo... that means our 3 strands of lights...just randomly do their own thing...for 2 nights straight the icicle lights were fine, one strand was stuck at yellow/green and the other strand was being spastic and doing, well whatever. However, I will state that today the strand that was stuck on yellow/green is no longer stuck...but neither strand are doing the same thing. Pretty sure the remote is somewhere OR (and Frank is pretty convinced it seems) that some random person is having a great laugh at our expense...or mostly his...he's unsure as of yet.
3) We had to have the talk with Ian...you know the talk right? Not the birds and the bees kind of talk (although I'm sure that will be coming way too soon...) but the talk about Santa. Sigh....the last few days really have just been crappy all around, but this was a bit too much for me. Granted I know he's almost 12 but I wasn't going to be the one that made him grow up like this. I couldn't bring myself to break the news to him nor could Frank. And I think we had just decided to let it go this year...again. We are a bunch of chickens I tell ya! Turns out this year was going to be the year. Ian was being a brat (shocker!!) and throwing a fit about anything and everything (see what happens when you don't feed your kids what they want...the horror! Oh and by the way...I was informed that I just had kids to have a spic and span house...I'm still waiting for that!). While pitching a fit and being a general pain the you know what, Lee comes out and asks me if Santa is real. Now we get these questions from time to time and they are easily assuaged with well yes of course Santa is real! Has he ever let you down? Have you always gotten something left for you? I believe in Santa! Usually those things works. However, when you throw in Ian...things get dicey. Ian was busy talking in Lee's ear and saying Santa isn't real. I also hear Ian chanting Santa isn't real, all in hearing distance of Lee, Dru, and Eli. Imagine my horror as this all unfolds while Frank is out getting a hair cut! Things are getting hairy here! (pun intended). I go round and round with Ian (now I need you to remember I didn't grow up with Santa, that I recall, so this whole thing is all very new...ish) and finally I've said what I can and he's still chanting Santa isn't real. I finally look at him and tell him to stop talking and he can stay in his room and don't come out, even to go pee (cause I know the whole time he'll be chanting that very statement loudly for all to hear...I'm seriously trying to do damage control and probably making it worse!) and I shut the door. I immediately get my phone and call Frank in a panic...no answer! So I do the next best thing...I text. My text starts with "Uh we have a 911 situation..." Frank finally gets home from the worlds longest hair cut (he looked good though) and we have an emergency meeting before we call Ian into our room. We get to talking to him and trying to figure out why he's chanting. He tells us he's been hearing kids talk and some of the things that have happened. So we explain to him that Santa is the spirit of Christmas and we all get to be Santa and isn't that so much fun to be able to give and see what happens when we give. Explain to him how he gets to be a Santa to his brothers...and Santa is magic because there are things you just can't explain, Christmas miracles that well the magic/spirit of Christmas are what is left to explain it. That he is under no certain terms to utter one iota to anyone that Santa isn't real, and that what you'll find is that more people than you realize believe in Santa. Then named a few names of people in his life that believe in Santa and that they could ask them and they'd tell him yes they believe...that his dad and I believe. You get the idea. Then....then it happened...I opened my mouth and said something to the effect of " even though Santa isn't a real person...."people...I kid you not...Ian wasn't talking about the same thing his dad and I were talking about...we were not simpatico...I could see it wash over his face...I will never forget that moment for as long as I live!! I took a piece of his childhood away and although I'm still here I still feel like I will die! I was the dream crusher and I never wanted to tell Ian about that...I wanted him to find out on his own or have it be Frank BUT not me!!! It was me!!!!! I know he can't stay a little kid forever but I never had a childhood, never got to really believe in Santa and kids are kids for such a short time and they want to grow up so fast. I want so bad for my kids to have a childhood and to stay there until the last possible moment...
So far this Christmas season has been crappy...really just one for the history books!
4) ...just because I'm making a list and being open...sorta....I hate the struggle with my weight. It has been a GINORMOUS struggle since probably July, but been a major pain since the weather turned cold. I want back to my 178...now I'm struggling badly with the 10lbs I've added since July...I have to get my head in the right place but I don't know where that is or how to get back there!!!
5) I would like to figure out my place in this world, my family, extended family, immediate family...I just wanna know where I stand. If I know that and know my place I can make it work. This roller coaster ride that I am on, well I don't quite know how or when to get off...and is it really that easy? Probably not or I'd have done it a long time ago...years ago even...back when I already knew but let myself get sucked in...when I had figured out so young to fly under the radar so no one would notice or care...that would have been the time to get off...maybe...
6) I'd like the turmoil of husband's job to be figured out...we've been on that ride since before Thanksgiving...thanks in part to a lot of different things and years of turmoil in Boeing, compounded by recent contract talks with a union...well suffice it to say...things have gotten extremely real around here. There are serious talks going on right now in Frank's group about moving and to the state of South Carolina no less. Because we've been in such turmoil over rumors and planned meetings and then canceled meetings we have come to our own conclusions that even though we believe a good part of his group is going to S. Carolina, we don't know if it's him or if he will have a job or anything. We also don't know that if yes, he is being asked to move there what that means for us...most likely (depending on when and if he's asked to move) I will stay behind until we can sell the house (God willing)...all kinds of scary stuff going on right now! With all that said, we believe they won't be announcing anything more until January when people go back to work...so our plan is to try and forget about it and not stress too much more about it...try is the operative word here...try is really all we can do...and move is all we can do...keep a job is all we can do...and first and foremost pray is all we can do and test that God shall and has and is in all parts of my life it would seem.
7) I would also like to not be left out of immediate family holiday events...on purpose or so it would seem... Even if it wasn't on purpose I wasn't invited and that's just out right rude! Throw the ball in my court, I would have made an effort to be there when I could OR on a different day! But when I'm not even asked and it's all secretive or comes off that way (not one word was spoken to me...obviously) ...what the heck is all I can think!(seriously though, that's mild thinking) Two years in a row I'm not invited to my own flippen families Thanksgiving...I don't even know what to think. However, it's grossly overdue in addressing the situation with my family...and so I must embark on that journey...I don't have high hopes for ringing in the New year with gusto but now it looks to be more like ringing it in with dread...and because 2014 is an even number I had such high hopes. I some how manage to be my own dream crusher...how in heavens name does that happen!?! But on the serious side...makes you wonder what a person has to do or say before they aren't invited to a holiday family event right? I'm still puzzled by it.
8) I would like this house that's spic and span that Ian and Lee speak so often of...where is it?? I am just exhausted by the thought of the conversations of chores and you do them because you are a part of this family. And no you aren't getting paid to participate in this family, you want money go out and get a job! And what is so hard to grasp about the concept of just get it done now and quickly (but done correctly) so that you are done, and can go about your day and so can I??? I also want my kids to start being more kind to each other and speak with respect to one another...this is so difficult right now to teach my kids. I'd like Ian to stop fighting with his words...they hurt so much and trying to teach him to not fight that way is hard...really, really hard. Hard to show him the effect he has on his brothers when he says he hates them and wants me to get rid of them or make them go away, that his life would be better w/o them. He fights mean and I don't fight like that nor do I do well with that or how to fight back. Trying to teach him that his tongue is sharp and that he must...MUST watch what he says or someday he's going to seriously regret what comes out of his mouth. There will be consequences to what he says. One day it's just going to be him and his brothers and he's going to need them or they need him...they need to be there for each other, that we won't always be there.
For Lee to just obey and do what is asked, to tone down the obnoxiousness a level or two or better yet find his volume control (my ears hurt a lot)...I am so tired of yelling his name. They don't tell you when you pick your kids name to practice yelling it at the top of your lungs in frustration 20 times to see if you still like that name.
For Dru to quit crying at the drop of the hat...at times it's just unbearable. And trust me I have nothing against boys/men crying...trust me it's gut wrenching to see but so needed by boys/men (and if we are honest...it's important to us women too...just so we know they feel something)...I often tell my kids it's ok to cry. But it becomes too much when it feels like it's all the time...like when someone looks at him cross-eyed! Dru also need to work on obeying...and listening...he also likes to just stand near me and whine or chant what he wants (like a 2 year old). For instance if I offer what I have for a snack and his options are the snack I provide OR whatever he has left in his lunch...he stands there whining/chanting that he wants something completely different than what was offered...for like 5 minutes!! I want to shove an ice pik in my ears! It's too much! It really is.
For Eli to stop blowing up like a stick of dynamite when he gets mad and for him to stop yelling to be heard, when he gets mad, when he's happy (again my ears hurt-I'm starting to sound like my Grandma Jolly...I get it now...she had 5 kids...4 of which were boys...she gets me), when he's angry...and he yells a lot. His brothers like to poke the sleeping bear and then scatter when he's roars...it's not funny. He tries to use his words, like when he tells Lee his heart is broken when Lee doesn't do what Eli tells him to...he's trying...
9) That they all quit using the word hate...and use instead I don't like...this is a battle...bigger than I ever imagined.
10) We (including Frank and I) have things to work on, to be kind to one another, to be good to one another, to love one another, speak kindly to one another, to respect one another, to fight fairly/well (there is a right way and a wrong way to fight), to be there for each other when we need them. To watch our words and how they make people feel. We need to all be consistent and to respectfully keep each other in accountable. Being consistent will be key, but it's also the hardest thing to ever do/learn as an adult and as a parent...sometimes it's just easier to not be and that's when things happen.
So on that note...there is always hope in the Lord...he renews our strength....(even though I feel like I fall for the 4-letter word every time, and I'm left frustrated every time...I always seem to re-up my membership in that word...) , I hope to have/find tiny seeds of hope for the new year to foster and grow and have grown in faith and trust in the Lord and to follow/trust his plan for me and my family. To see where he will lead us and what doors will be obviously wide- open and what ones will firmly be closed...I just pray it's painfully obvious to me...I'm afraid otherwise I'd be too obtuse to not see it. May the Lord bless my guardian angle...she's got her work cut out for her...poor thing...just what did she sign up for right!?!
1) We are the embodiment of the Griswold's this year...the kids have wrecked our 'new' Christmas tree (we bought it last year)...we no longer have lights that work because the part that plugs into the outlet...well it just flat out fell off...we are looking into if there is a warranty. That part shouldn't just fall off even though my kids wouldn't stop touching it and running around it and into it.
2) To add icing on the cake...our lights outside...well those are new also. We bought the LED lights and they are pretty slick and we all like them. The catch...they come with a remote and have about 500 settings (not really that much) to choose from. Wanna guess at who had the remote last? Yeah...he's not telling where it's at...or rather because he's 5 he can't remember. Soooo... that means our 3 strands of lights...just randomly do their own thing...for 2 nights straight the icicle lights were fine, one strand was stuck at yellow/green and the other strand was being spastic and doing, well whatever. However, I will state that today the strand that was stuck on yellow/green is no longer stuck...but neither strand are doing the same thing. Pretty sure the remote is somewhere OR (and Frank is pretty convinced it seems) that some random person is having a great laugh at our expense...or mostly his...he's unsure as of yet.
3) We had to have the talk with Ian...you know the talk right? Not the birds and the bees kind of talk (although I'm sure that will be coming way too soon...) but the talk about Santa. Sigh....the last few days really have just been crappy all around, but this was a bit too much for me. Granted I know he's almost 12 but I wasn't going to be the one that made him grow up like this. I couldn't bring myself to break the news to him nor could Frank. And I think we had just decided to let it go this year...again. We are a bunch of chickens I tell ya! Turns out this year was going to be the year. Ian was being a brat (shocker!!) and throwing a fit about anything and everything (see what happens when you don't feed your kids what they want...the horror! Oh and by the way...I was informed that I just had kids to have a spic and span house...I'm still waiting for that!). While pitching a fit and being a general pain the you know what, Lee comes out and asks me if Santa is real. Now we get these questions from time to time and they are easily assuaged with well yes of course Santa is real! Has he ever let you down? Have you always gotten something left for you? I believe in Santa! Usually those things works. However, when you throw in Ian...things get dicey. Ian was busy talking in Lee's ear and saying Santa isn't real. I also hear Ian chanting Santa isn't real, all in hearing distance of Lee, Dru, and Eli. Imagine my horror as this all unfolds while Frank is out getting a hair cut! Things are getting hairy here! (pun intended). I go round and round with Ian (now I need you to remember I didn't grow up with Santa, that I recall, so this whole thing is all very new...ish) and finally I've said what I can and he's still chanting Santa isn't real. I finally look at him and tell him to stop talking and he can stay in his room and don't come out, even to go pee (cause I know the whole time he'll be chanting that very statement loudly for all to hear...I'm seriously trying to do damage control and probably making it worse!) and I shut the door. I immediately get my phone and call Frank in a panic...no answer! So I do the next best thing...I text. My text starts with "Uh we have a 911 situation..." Frank finally gets home from the worlds longest hair cut (he looked good though) and we have an emergency meeting before we call Ian into our room. We get to talking to him and trying to figure out why he's chanting. He tells us he's been hearing kids talk and some of the things that have happened. So we explain to him that Santa is the spirit of Christmas and we all get to be Santa and isn't that so much fun to be able to give and see what happens when we give. Explain to him how he gets to be a Santa to his brothers...and Santa is magic because there are things you just can't explain, Christmas miracles that well the magic/spirit of Christmas are what is left to explain it. That he is under no certain terms to utter one iota to anyone that Santa isn't real, and that what you'll find is that more people than you realize believe in Santa. Then named a few names of people in his life that believe in Santa and that they could ask them and they'd tell him yes they believe...that his dad and I believe. You get the idea. Then....then it happened...I opened my mouth and said something to the effect of " even though Santa isn't a real person...."people...I kid you not...Ian wasn't talking about the same thing his dad and I were talking about...we were not simpatico...I could see it wash over his face...I will never forget that moment for as long as I live!! I took a piece of his childhood away and although I'm still here I still feel like I will die! I was the dream crusher and I never wanted to tell Ian about that...I wanted him to find out on his own or have it be Frank BUT not me!!! It was me!!!!! I know he can't stay a little kid forever but I never had a childhood, never got to really believe in Santa and kids are kids for such a short time and they want to grow up so fast. I want so bad for my kids to have a childhood and to stay there until the last possible moment...
So far this Christmas season has been crappy...really just one for the history books!
4) ...just because I'm making a list and being open...sorta....I hate the struggle with my weight. It has been a GINORMOUS struggle since probably July, but been a major pain since the weather turned cold. I want back to my 178...now I'm struggling badly with the 10lbs I've added since July...I have to get my head in the right place but I don't know where that is or how to get back there!!!
5) I would like to figure out my place in this world, my family, extended family, immediate family...I just wanna know where I stand. If I know that and know my place I can make it work. This roller coaster ride that I am on, well I don't quite know how or when to get off...and is it really that easy? Probably not or I'd have done it a long time ago...years ago even...back when I already knew but let myself get sucked in...when I had figured out so young to fly under the radar so no one would notice or care...that would have been the time to get off...maybe...
6) I'd like the turmoil of husband's job to be figured out...we've been on that ride since before Thanksgiving...thanks in part to a lot of different things and years of turmoil in Boeing, compounded by recent contract talks with a union...well suffice it to say...things have gotten extremely real around here. There are serious talks going on right now in Frank's group about moving and to the state of South Carolina no less. Because we've been in such turmoil over rumors and planned meetings and then canceled meetings we have come to our own conclusions that even though we believe a good part of his group is going to S. Carolina, we don't know if it's him or if he will have a job or anything. We also don't know that if yes, he is being asked to move there what that means for us...most likely (depending on when and if he's asked to move) I will stay behind until we can sell the house (God willing)...all kinds of scary stuff going on right now! With all that said, we believe they won't be announcing anything more until January when people go back to work...so our plan is to try and forget about it and not stress too much more about it...try is the operative word here...try is really all we can do...and move is all we can do...keep a job is all we can do...and first and foremost pray is all we can do and test that God shall and has and is in all parts of my life it would seem.
7) I would also like to not be left out of immediate family holiday events...on purpose or so it would seem... Even if it wasn't on purpose I wasn't invited and that's just out right rude! Throw the ball in my court, I would have made an effort to be there when I could OR on a different day! But when I'm not even asked and it's all secretive or comes off that way (not one word was spoken to me...obviously) ...what the heck is all I can think!(seriously though, that's mild thinking) Two years in a row I'm not invited to my own flippen families Thanksgiving...I don't even know what to think. However, it's grossly overdue in addressing the situation with my family...and so I must embark on that journey...I don't have high hopes for ringing in the New year with gusto but now it looks to be more like ringing it in with dread...and because 2014 is an even number I had such high hopes. I some how manage to be my own dream crusher...how in heavens name does that happen!?! But on the serious side...makes you wonder what a person has to do or say before they aren't invited to a holiday family event right? I'm still puzzled by it.
8) I would like this house that's spic and span that Ian and Lee speak so often of...where is it?? I am just exhausted by the thought of the conversations of chores and you do them because you are a part of this family. And no you aren't getting paid to participate in this family, you want money go out and get a job! And what is so hard to grasp about the concept of just get it done now and quickly (but done correctly) so that you are done, and can go about your day and so can I??? I also want my kids to start being more kind to each other and speak with respect to one another...this is so difficult right now to teach my kids. I'd like Ian to stop fighting with his words...they hurt so much and trying to teach him to not fight that way is hard...really, really hard. Hard to show him the effect he has on his brothers when he says he hates them and wants me to get rid of them or make them go away, that his life would be better w/o them. He fights mean and I don't fight like that nor do I do well with that or how to fight back. Trying to teach him that his tongue is sharp and that he must...MUST watch what he says or someday he's going to seriously regret what comes out of his mouth. There will be consequences to what he says. One day it's just going to be him and his brothers and he's going to need them or they need him...they need to be there for each other, that we won't always be there.
For Lee to just obey and do what is asked, to tone down the obnoxiousness a level or two or better yet find his volume control (my ears hurt a lot)...I am so tired of yelling his name. They don't tell you when you pick your kids name to practice yelling it at the top of your lungs in frustration 20 times to see if you still like that name.
For Dru to quit crying at the drop of the hat...at times it's just unbearable. And trust me I have nothing against boys/men crying...trust me it's gut wrenching to see but so needed by boys/men (and if we are honest...it's important to us women too...just so we know they feel something)...I often tell my kids it's ok to cry. But it becomes too much when it feels like it's all the time...like when someone looks at him cross-eyed! Dru also need to work on obeying...and listening...he also likes to just stand near me and whine or chant what he wants (like a 2 year old). For instance if I offer what I have for a snack and his options are the snack I provide OR whatever he has left in his lunch...he stands there whining/chanting that he wants something completely different than what was offered...for like 5 minutes!! I want to shove an ice pik in my ears! It's too much! It really is.
For Eli to stop blowing up like a stick of dynamite when he gets mad and for him to stop yelling to be heard, when he gets mad, when he's happy (again my ears hurt-I'm starting to sound like my Grandma Jolly...I get it now...she had 5 kids...4 of which were boys...she gets me), when he's angry...and he yells a lot. His brothers like to poke the sleeping bear and then scatter when he's roars...it's not funny. He tries to use his words, like when he tells Lee his heart is broken when Lee doesn't do what Eli tells him to...he's trying...
9) That they all quit using the word hate...and use instead I don't like...this is a battle...bigger than I ever imagined.
10) We (including Frank and I) have things to work on, to be kind to one another, to be good to one another, to love one another, speak kindly to one another, to respect one another, to fight fairly/well (there is a right way and a wrong way to fight), to be there for each other when we need them. To watch our words and how they make people feel. We need to all be consistent and to respectfully keep each other in accountable. Being consistent will be key, but it's also the hardest thing to ever do/learn as an adult and as a parent...sometimes it's just easier to not be and that's when things happen.
So on that note...there is always hope in the Lord...he renews our strength....(even though I feel like I fall for the 4-letter word every time, and I'm left frustrated every time...I always seem to re-up my membership in that word...) , I hope to have/find tiny seeds of hope for the new year to foster and grow and have grown in faith and trust in the Lord and to follow/trust his plan for me and my family. To see where he will lead us and what doors will be obviously wide- open and what ones will firmly be closed...I just pray it's painfully obvious to me...I'm afraid otherwise I'd be too obtuse to not see it. May the Lord bless my guardian angle...she's got her work cut out for her...poor thing...just what did she sign up for right!?!
