Dance Letter

~Author Ian Paulson

(This letter is what Ian wrote when they were told about their dance class they were having and the recital I wrote about earlier)

Dear Ms. Cam
                Before I danced and when I heard about it I was feeling very nervous that I had to dance with a girl. I thought "yikes" and "man this is not going to look good for me." I was also very nervous the first day. I also thought oh-no oh-no.

     Now my thoughts after the first week is I have so much fun. On the first day I got rally excited to come back. My feelings changed to I like dancing with a girl now. I also got rid of my nerves.

What I hope to get our of this dance experience is to be a better dancer. I like the fox trot a lot. Your a great dance teacher.

Sincerely, Ian

 

Summit and Butts

 

 

 

 

 

A meeting of the minds

It's either a bare butt kind of day or bear butt...either way my nephews and I laughed hysterically at my joke.  Ok well it could have just been me.

Barn Quilt

 

 

 

 

I know it's been awhile but we are winding down our Spring Break here in our neck of the woods.  We have been lucky by the weather we were blessed with...it ALMOST makes up for having it be so late and not getting to hang with my bestie!  Almost!

 

 

While out and about on break I had been meaning to take this picture for a few people I know.  They saw a lot of barn quilts back in the Mid-west and then a girlfriend of mine made one for her parents barn.  During all this, like last fall and winter, I was on my way to a friends house and I stumbled across this!  I was caught off guard but excited!

 

So I slowly did a drive by and took my picture hoping no one would see me or think oddly of me.  It's a very cool looking thing to see I think!

Loopy De Loops

I have been pondering what to blog about the last few day and I'm still not really sure.  I know that I have many things going on right now that I can't talk about right now. Other things I can talk about but I'm not sure really where to begin or how to fully tell the back story to it all.

So this post might seem sporadic but it encompasses a few months time, so  here it goes:

1) If you are going to ask my opinion and then I tell you that you don't really want my opinion...don't get pissy at me if you don't like what I have to say in the end. Just trust me when I tell you, you don't really want my opinion.  Just a rule of thumb.  In the end my opinion doesn't really matter because I am not paying for said event...and then have a few people, some  who don't even matter to the event, go behind my back and talk about me?  Are we in highschool? Not only do they talk behind my back but they do it so my husband can hear? That boggles my mind. Be adult enough and say it so I can hear you or don't say it at all...eh whatever! Better yet...if you don't know me don't make assumptions...I might have a very good reason for my opinion...and you yours.

2 )Because I don't show my faith like you think I should  doesn't mean I don't have my faith or walk the walk. I just do it differently. I do it quietly and under the radar.  Also, you shouldn't walk into a place and say I want to be like so and so...First God calls us to be our very own person. So be yourself...if you don't like what's going on, help be the solution not the problem!  I have never wanted to throw someone out of my house so badly as I have this year...I'm still processing those feelings, they are powerful and overwhelming. Next, just because I'm not shouting CHRIST at the top of my lungs every 5 minutes doesn't mean I don't have my own walk with Christ and my own story of how I came to Christ.  Have you bothered to ask me my story? Nope didn't think so...too busy pointing fingers at what you don't like...too busy being so judgmental.  If you were to go by that line of thought, that because I don't do what you think I should do or say every time a word comes out of my mouth about faith and Christ, then you would have to say that my marriage is a loveless one.  Why you ask...well because we don't publicly show our love for each other.  We rarely hold hands in public, we don't kiss in public (I can't even think of a time except our wedding when we did)...we are NOT big PDA people.  So based off the assumption that I'm not a holy roller or bible thumper I don't have a walk with Christ therefore I, by those same rules, have a loveless marriage.  Go figure! Great powers of deduction that you have.  My marriage has it's ups and downs and all arounds and loopy de loops like everyone else, good Lord it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes!!! Welcome to Life!

3) I am tired of being made to feel 3inches tall because my husband takes my kids by HIMSELF to functions. He IS their dad after all...logic would assume you know?  I'm tired of tiptoeing around the fact that I'm married vs. the single mom out there. Tired of the egg shells.  It's not my fault if you are single for whatever the reason is.  It's not my fault that my children's father takes them somewhere so I can stay home by myself for 2 hours.  For as many moms that are out there helping their daughters with new babies and what not's...(which I didn't and don't have) there are husbands out there doing what they signed up to do.  I do the same for him...I take the kids while he stays home.  BIG FUCKING DEAL! You knew what you were getting into just like I knew or had a pretty good idea of what I was walking into family wise and person wise. Same for my husband ...he didn't walk into this blind...he knew the back assward mess he was getting himself into. There are no surprises here!  Deal with it.  I'm dealing with my own crap just like you are and again...NOT my fault so quit trying to make me feel bad and quit trying to make it my fault! DONE!

4) I am a mother to 4 boys.  Please quit throwing in my face about how many kids you have and how tired you are and all that other bullshit to explain away why you don't get your shit done.  I have 4 kids, I get it AND...I get my stuff done.  Does my house look like a black hole half the time...YES! Am I tired? YES! But I manage to get my stuff done...I signed up for something I said I would do it I'll do it!  I'm tired of hearing why your late...saying you gotta get 4 kids somewhere...I get 4 kids somewhere and get somewhere on time.  Plan accordingly...make what you committed too a priority too.  You said you were gonna do something...DO IT!  Tired of hearing about how many kids so and so has so cut them some slack...honestly! Don't get me wrong...I know how ugly what I have written sounds...but I've been hearing this crap for a year now...if it was once in awhile I'd be more understanding. Now I'm just pissed when I hear it and wonder when I can use these excuses and just who the hell would fall for it that I know of.  I still haven't come up with anyone. 

5) If you think I'm talking about you...I'm probably not.

6) Change is really hard

7) Cancer sucks and relationships are hard...combine the 2 and well I'm outta words for that one.  Just know that because one was struggling to begin with doesn't mean the other negates the whole thing or wipes the slate clean again.  I can't even figure out my thoughts and feelings on that one...been a month at least and I'm still processing. Just know I'm stumbling around in the dark on this one!

8) I have planned to walk out on a limb and put myself out there on something I know to be big for me and try really hard to not get my expectations up.  Hard I know.  If it doesn't happen it will be ok, eventually and I'll try again.

9) What in the WORLD do I want to be when I grow up! Why is this so hard!?!  Sheesh!

10) I am done and I feel a bit better by doing this. However I wonder if I'm prepared for the backlash...just remember...my page not yours...

Field of Color

 

 

 

Love this! All the colors of the rainbow and then some!

 

                                             
                                             God loves his color palette that's for sure!
 

Tip Toe

This weekend we went to the Tulip fields on a spur of the moment...ok there was some mild planning but not much.

 

However the weather was slightly permitting for us to do this.  We dodged some serious sheets of rain and managed to fall in the mud a few times.  Well I didn't but some kids did. We laughed up until we had to take them home...sorta wasn't that funny then.  Oh well!!

 

It wasn't too bad really and I'm glad we went, really glad. I needed to see my friend and see some color and beauty.  My soul needed it.

 

 

Dru wanted me to take his picture by these flowers. I think they were his favorites and they were orange!

 I'm missing one because he didn't want his picture taken...again.  Outside of that, aren't these some handsome boys?

 

 I asked for this picture behind the purple tulips...purple is my favorite color.

 

 I let Lee pick where the next picture would be, he picked the pink ones.  He's been into the color pink lately. I haven't figured out that particular bit but never fear I will!

 

We had a good time and I look forward to ordering some Tulip bulbs...I was seriously bummed I couldn't buy a bag of them there...you apparently have to buy them because they were already blooming.  Details people!!

I was however able to buy some other kinds of bulbs..Glads and Lili's.  I let the boys pick 6 Gladiolus bulbs to plant...MAYBE they will leave mine ALONE!!!

 

....and if you see 2 dogs strung up by their toe nails it's because they won't stay out of my big flower pots and are laying on TOP of my Asiatic Lili's!!! Those two are working together...Mighty is taking the obstruction down and then Charlie gets to lay in the pot while Mighty chews on plastic or metal.  AHHHH these dogs!

Blossoming

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a favorite I took recently.  Taking pictures sometimes is right up there with gardening. I find peace and it takes my mind off things.

Soil

 

 

People it's bad! I am getting the gardening bug B-A-D!

 

My hands are literally itching right now thinking of planting and getting my hands in the soil!

 

I have a need to see some Tulip fields and I might just make that happen with a girlfriend and some boys.

 

I will be buying tulip bulbs tomorrow somewhere along the line and they will be planted to enjoy next year. So help me if the dogs or kids ruin them I will be ruined...mentally I think it will break me.

 I'm really serious and I hope that my other half realizes that. No subtle hints here!

 

 

 

The Cherry Blossoms just breath summer to me, even though they aren't around during the summer. 

I think I am my grandmother's granddaughter...the dirt and flowers really do speak to me and my soul and give me peace for awhile.  So much turmoil going on in my life that it's out of control and I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I need these things, to stop and smell and look. To really look at the beauty all around... the small details.

 

May Peace Be With You...

GOAL!

 

 

 

 

 

Reason?

 

 

For no other reason other than I love this photo.

My nephew and Lee on the boat last summer salmon fishing.  They had such a rough first time, the weather was horrid! Poor kids! Frank took this picture with his camera and I think he captured it quite well.  He also took one like this of my niece and Ian when they went on the boat 4 years ago.

 

 

 

 

Priceless

 

Cousins are where it's at right? I'm so glad I have a few cousins that this was my life with them.  I miss them dearly and I miss those bits of my childhood with them.  But man did we fight like cats and dogs though! We have spent years apart and missed a lot of growing up years...I wish they lived closer or I to them.

I'm glad my boys have what they have and can see their cousins a lot because life happens and you just don't know what's going to come your way!

Baseball!!!

 

It's that time of year again for the Paulson household!  Baseball fever has begun...OK well it might not be fever but it could be close?  Either way, we are getting out of the house and doing stuff...maybe we may be cold right down to the bone, but doggone it 2 of my boys are getting tired out by practice and games!

 

Thank the Lord!

 

This year Lee and Dru are in baseball, while Eli and Ian are waiting for swimming (or dancing) lessons.  Even though we only put 2 kids in baseball it cost a small fortune, as will putting 2 kids in swim lessons.  So those two wait until the season is done and money can be used.

 

Some adoring fans of Lee...(Eli really looks like Dru here...WOW!)

 

 

 Ian

 Lee was going to start pitching, but due to an accident at his first game (he got hit in the back right on the spine with an errant baseball...the kid was lobbing baseballs all over the place...that particular one made contact with Lee...we've since been to the chiropractor and had an adjustment with another one on Monday...he is feeling better!) Since his back hurt he chose to not pitch, I was very sad. This is something he wants to do badly, so I hope the adjustments helped. We will find out at the next game...if they don't get rained out.  Rain is our nemesis at this point.

 So instead of pitching he went to an outfield position.  He really needs to work on staying focused especially when he's in outfield where for the better part of a game there isn't much action.  So much room for growth for him!

 Stay focused Lee! You got this bud!

Lee does so well at baseball, he's one of those kids that sports is easy for him...like school if he would just apply himself and slow down! I see the challenges in front of me for the rest of my life with this kid! The kid that doesn't crack a book in school but sails through...get that kid to open his book and apply himself!!   However, as a mother I LOVE watching him play a sport and the ease with which he plays. Coming from someone who is terribly uncoordinated it is beautiful to see.  I'm slightly jealous of him though.

But man do I like watching Lee and Dru play ball...so coordinated and in my eyes good...just remember the source I'm saying that from.  A mother and someone who has decided it's just safer to not play a sport...I always get hurt somehow.  Just safer!

Dance Recital

 

So today was a really big day at our house!  Outside of this year being a really big year, 5th grade and all here.  You go to Jr. High which is 5th, 6th, &7th grade...which means Ian will be in Jr. High next year!

I can hear what you are saying and I'm in total agreement...how did it happen...I have no idea!

 

Today was his dance recital and I just loved the whole event, it was really a great time and I loved seeing the joy in Ian's face.

 

His school has the opportunity to participate in a dancing  program called ,Dancing Classrooms, the last 3 years, where the instructor comes and teaches them and I love their motto: is to build social awareness, confidence and self-esteem in children through the practice of social dance .This is also from their site: Dancing Classrooms is not about teaching ballroom dancing.  Dance is a tool for getting the children to break down social barriers, learn about honor and respect, treat others carefully, improve self-confidence, communicate and cooperate, and accept others even if they are different.  So for the last 10 weeks (not sure how many days a week of those weeks) for an hour they worked on learning different styles of dancing.  The learned the Fox Trot, Swing, Waltz, Merengue, Rumba, Polka, Tango, and Stomp...I wish I had rhythm for that!

You can check this program out here:

http://dancingclassroomsseattle.com/

 

Very awesome program!

 

This program culminates from a true story...they even made a movie of it with Antonio Banderas, called Take The Lead.  This program was started in New York and has made it's way all the way here!  How cool is that!?! If you've never seen the movie it's well worth your time!

 

Well back to where I was headed with this!

 

Ian had to get dressed up for this and thank goodness for friends who help cloth my children! With out them I don't know where we'd be...jeans and a polo shirt at this point.  Trying to keep clothes for this kid is impossible!

 

He was so excited to wear a tie from his dad and a REAL one at that...that was a big deal!

 

 

 

I love this picture! Charlie totally put himself there with out us telling him to.  He just had to be by his boy!

 

 

 

I think Ian knew this was a big thing, up until he walked in and realized this wasn't just big, this was HUGE! You can see it on his face...shades of his mother right there!

 I have no idea what is up with the lip thing other than he's nervous, however what I think is funny is the lady all the way to the left is doing the same thing! Ian got up and read a piece about what his first thoughts were about dancing and then another piece about what he thought of dancing after doing 3 classes.  I really hope we get those back because it was hard to hear him!!

 This young lady is the gal Ian escorted onto the dance floor!  When did these girls get to be so tall...and well...GIRLS!?! I remember when these 2 started Kindergarten together!!

 Ian and a friend from class...he wanted to photo bomb our picture but settled for this...goofy kid!

 Ian and some little brothers...Lee had to go with his class so he wasn't able to be in this.  As you can tell Eli didn't want to either. Sigh...

 Ian and his friend Kinlee...many years at the bus stop together these two!  My how they have grown into lovely young ladies and gentlemen!  Love that they met at the bus stop because I gained a really good friend that first year! This year they aren't in the same class but at least they are familiar faces to each other!

 Ian and his buddy Jackson!  These guys went to preschool together and this is the second time they have had class together!  They get a long really well and are good friends! I think they are good for each other...and it doesn't hurt we know the family and they are great friends too! 

I loved going to this function and seeing Ian have so much fun and having his brothers there to support him! We all even got up, the whole audience and participated in the Cha Cha Slide!  I think it tickled Ian I got up and did it and flake out on him.  He'll remember that and so will I!

 

  I can't believe how much these kids have grown up and when you see them all together at once it really hits you! It's kinda been an emotional day if I'm honest.  I'm so glad Ian has these good people and friends in his life right now and that along the way we've made some good friends with the parents.  It's important I think.

 

 

 

I'd like to say I'm looking forward to seeing all my boys do this but then again it will be too soon!