Music That Moves You

I don't know about you guys, but there are times in my life that are defined by music. The summer after I graduated High school was Tom Petty and a whole lot of country. My first year in college was Garth Brooks and Shania Twain. There are times I hear a song and it takes be back to a time, good or bad, and makes me nostalgic or melancholy. Some of my all time favorites are Hymns, I love them! Often times on special ones I can hear my grandfather singing along, that's true of some country songs. I mean just the other day I put on a 60's country music station and heard a song and had to step back and let the memory run it's course. It was a song we had played when Grandpa Great was on his death bed and we were just playing music in the back ground. Some song about Laredo.

All that to say, there are some songs and an artist right now that Ive been listening too. Here are the lyrics to one of her songs that I use as a "get out the door song".

You Say

Lauren Daigle

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Taking all I have and now I’m laying it at Your feet You have every failure, God, and You’ll have every victory You say I am loved When I can’t feel a thing You say I am strong When I think I am weak You say I am held When I am falling short When I don’t belong You say I am Yours And I believe I believe What You say of me I believe Oh, I believe Yes, I believe What You say of me Oh, I believe

Every time I listen to this song the words move in different ways, like every day it's something different that speaks to me. Some days it about brings me to my knees. There are a few other songs that she has that I really enjoy. But for now, that one and Trust You is the other one I really listen too.

Alright, now I'm off to work. I have 2 jobs...first job I love and it doesn't feel like work, the other job IS work and I don't particularly enjoy it. BUT it's a job...I also opted to not work at the pumpkin patch this year.  I really should have...I miss working there and I know I'm going to miss the little paycheck as well. That money will be missed come early November and on into Christmas.  Hindsight is 20/20 they say. Hopefully next year I will be able to have  a spot there and work.  It will be tough and is always physically draining, and I miss out on things but that little paycheck really does make a difference in our little world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sIaT8Jl2zpI

This link takes you ( I hope) to watch Lauren Daigle's video of You Say...enjoy

Musings of a Lost Woman

You know, I have had so many thoughts about what to post that I told myself you'll remember!  Seriously, I'm sitting here and the last laugh is on me!  I can't think of a thing, although I know I have a million things I could post about. It's the picking one and then putting it into words...yeah that part.

So much is going on in my tiny world that I just feel like I don't have time to process it all. Shoot I don't even know where to start!

You know , I have a few posts I haven't posted yet, rantings really. I read one just now and it made me sad. Sad because in 6 years, nothing really changed in some really important relationships. Like we tried all over again, but as of this last summer, well not even summer, try May. It all fell apart again. There isn't one thing but many things on both sides that  brought this on.  One side has opted to, in my eyes, essentially walk way. The other side, me, isn't quite ready to let it go (but maybe I should?) and walk away. Probably because that means giving up and I'm not sure I'm ready. Also, not sure I've done all I can to make it better. I'm also positive I'm not willing to back down on my stance on a few things, but also know I could do better in some areas.  Those areas I'm just out of practice or never had the habit to begin with. Some of that comes with the kind of relationship I have with them. They just aren't people I call and go to for much. Most people I think go to certain people for a lot of things, but I don't and haven't for a long time, maybe (well shoot now I have to figure out how old I am to figure that one out) 21 yrs now. Things have just always been rocky with some good times in between.

This relationship is a big part of what has been going on in my tiny world...So much to say but when one party isn't willing to listen anymore and they aren't willing to back down on their stance, we have a failure to communicate. That's what we have. I have asked to meet in person but was met with a no that will be pointless. I've asked for things to be clarified and was met with no clarification or trying to clarify but fell short because it was over texts. We ALL know that texting leaves things open for interpretation...never in a good way it seems. Texting has it's drawbacks...just saying. So now I'm left wondering and scratching my head. Have they just walked away from me or have they walked away from me and my boys and my husband?  Some days I think it's all of us, and others I think it's just me. 

I do text from time to time but they either choose to not reply or they have blocked my number. Email seems to work. Had to email them about one of my children and wondering if they were gonna go to a function later on. Seems they want the option to stay open but it's a crap shoot on what will actually happen.

I know I'm frustrated and I know they are too, but it seems to me that this isn't the best option either. However, I think it seems to be working for them and therefore have chosen to keep it that way until it no longer works for them. Which is sad, because they will be missing out on a lot of things and have certainly missed out on forging a relationship with my children in their formative years. It will be interesting to see how they handle that, the older they get and the older my boys get and if their will be any regret on their part. It will be interesting to see what my children do in the future. Outside of a birthday card and Christmas card every year, that's about what the relationship consists of...that I can see right now. Too bad it isn't more.

Too bad it's not more for everyone, including them and me and my husband.  I have regrets for sure, I wonder if they do? I wonder if they think they could have handled things different and responded different. I'm sure I could have, not sure on what though but there is always room for improvement. and Lord know I'm not perfect, because that's the way I was made, but there is ALWAYS room for improvement and change. Or in other words...Forgiveness and Grace!

Dang it if those words and actions don't keep cropping up for me!

Well the more I keep rereading this, the more it sounds and looks like gibberish...so lol, have fun reading the gibberish or don't read. This is really for me and REALLY hoping this helps my anxiety and insomnia. Because let me tell you people, it is really difficult to solve world problems on a lack of sleep.

On that note, I have children who are mad I locked the TV's , computers, and took phones away. So I must go and well, do nothing!

Until the next time come on and blather away....

Too much

Today was ok but by the end of the day I was, still am a hot mess. I can't get myself under control. There are not enough hours in the day to get jack nuttin' done and not enough money to go around! My boys should be pulling their weight, they arent. How does everyone manage? This is insane!! I don't think I have ever felt this kind of feeling. I can't even put into words what I am thinking. I just know I may explode soon. 

Sunday's

Ya'll...
Sundays are NOT for the weak! I take my boys to church. It's me against 4, well I take that back, Frank helps me get them out the door. It makes me weary. When will Sunday's stop feeling like they come from the pits of Hell? I want to go and be fed at church. Right now I feel like I'm herding cats, stray cats people!

This picture you see here, that's real life on Sunday for me. Now it may not always be this kid, I have 3 others. I think they tag team, really I do! This right here though, was a Sunday to top any Sunday I can remember in awhile. Truly awful. #reallife

It's brutal and it hurts me deeply. 

I can tell you right now, I'm already dreading next Sunday, well not next Sunday, but the one after that. I have a feeling this is my life for awhile. I already have a knot in my stomach about this. About Wednesday, I'll be gearing the kids up for it...which means a fight ensues with the one you see in this picture. Sigh...

Morning

Hello....my name is Anita and I feel like I'm going through puberty right now.  Also,  loving these hot flashed, they are something else. Doesn't matter how cold of a shower I take, nothing helps. Possibly less caffeine might BUT it's  also the first week back to school and full time work for me. Tea is not touching the exhaustion I'm feeling by the time the first half of my day is over. I do realize I go through this EVERY fall, which means back to my vitimin routine. 
OK well just a quick post about my zits and sweaty face, off to scarf breakfast and get to work.

1st Day of School 2019

OK on the note of the last blog I posted...Here I am folks!

Today was the first day of school for my kids. A lot has changed since 2017.  Some highs and lows and trying to find the silver lining in them all.  It was a great summer, the kids are getting bigger and were are traveling farther.  As always, school rears it's head and says it's time to go back, so go back we go!  Can't really say I'm all that sorry to see it here, I need that routine back. I never knew I was a gal that needed that, but maybe it's having kids that makes me need it. Chaos for 2 1/2 months is plenty for most.

So this year finds this guy in 10th grade, this is how he woke up and I was pretty sure this was the only picture I was going to get. So I snuck it...as funny as this is, this is pretty real life right now. Like the #reallife kind of life. This kid hates it when I use hashtags, so as an homage to him I use them, as often as I can. School is such a struggle with him I'm praying for a good year, better than last. He prioritizes better, cares more about where he's been and where he's going, and makes better choices. I need him to finish out this school career better than 9th grade. We've got some mountains to conquer with this one, which we can if he would believe in himself just a tad more.

I was pleasantly surprised he was willing to take the picture you see below...LOOK he even smiled a smidge.  Really get up close to this picture and look at his smile, it will be worth it. Also, please take note of his spiffy shoes.  Nike now makes super expensive shoes that look like a Hawaiian shirt was draped over it. He loves them and I didn't buy them, there is a special place in heaven for grandparents that take kids shopping. Thank you!

 This is my goofy goober, the supposed easy one...yeah the last year or 3 have all be lies!  This kid is starting 7th grade and I am hoping for a stellar year for him. He's the great hope you know...or something like that. He is doing an after school sport as well (Lee is doing a sport too, so busy kids).

Holy smokes guys!  This one is my Senior! He is hoping by the end of the month to drive. The last semester of his Junior year found him just shy of all B's...so no driving over the summer for him. Per our mantra, B's for keys, he didn't quite get there. However, he's not keen on driving the van...for some reason he thought hew as going to get to drive my Tahoe. Sadly I laughed uproariously at that and he was a bit bewildered. I informed him the van was his to drive until said van is sold.  This week we have Senior Pictures, so he's excited about that. ...  Ahhh please! Who am I kidding??  We all know he isn't and that the pictures are really for me!!  At least he's a good sport.  All in all, pretty exciting time for him and really for all of us. 

Well here are the 3 munchkins...yes Lee gets MUCH amusement from being taller than Ian. When I mentioned to Ian, at some point this summer that I thought Lee grew past him, it wasn't well received. Not possible, I'm the oldest!!  He swears that's not what he said. He may not have but it was written ALL over his face.  Ian is done growing, Lee has a little bit of growing to go, so it will be interesting to see that and just how long it takes Goofy Goober there to take off.

 Well, last but not least, the 5th grader! The last of the #paulson4 to be in elementary school! His outfit is interesting to say the least as well as his hair. God bless him he tries.  Like his dad said earlier today, fly your freak flag high! He flew it high today! Definitely be able to find him in a crowd!  Praying we take our last year of elementary and knock it out of the park this year!

Taking these moments when they are willing to be in the same breathing space as I am.  He was willing today. Also, felt bad he was taking a picture by himself, so we did a selfie. Maybe tomorrow when his cousin is here I'll take a picture of them. He might enjoy that more. But we sure do look good!

Well #mygalrainier was out in full force this morning when each of the kids left for school, by the end of the night though she was all covered up.  I do enjoy my view on my porch. It was kind of wild though how much she changed from when my big boys left to when the last left. Really amazing!

Alright, so now I've done the obligatory first day of school picture and post. It's also an hour past my old lady bedtime. I'll have to figure better time to do this, but as it seems, night time is probably the time. I have enjoyed doing this and I'm glad I started. I hope to have many more posts coming because the last post in 2017...well a lot has happened in our family! 

To all those families out there starting another school year.... "May The Odds EVER Be In Your Favor!"

Screw it

Screw it!

I've had it!

I'm an almost 42yr old woman and I have debated for too long about this blog. I let joy be taken away from me. I let someone else make me feel like there was an ultimatum. More than anything, I'm more mad at myself than I am  at the people that I allowed myself to be made to feel this way. That I allowed someone make me feel that way.

SO...here I am, I'm back. I'm back to blogging for as long as I can (seems blogging isn't much of a thing anymore...what!?!) I have missed this way to much and bemoaned it for far too long. I've made a stand, and here I am!

Annoyed

So bear with me here... I have spent way too much time trying to transfer pictures from my phone to my tablet or uploading pictures to here from my phone. A no go... I am SO annoyed!!
So no first day of school pictures. Everyone was posting them on Facebook and it was making me gag. I know FB is a place where we can make it look like everyone is living the life or that their kids are angels and all marvelous at school. I have ONE prayer this year. That is that Lee has a fantastic 8th grade year. I need this, not sure he cares but my fragile state needs it... BAD! I don't think I can handle another bad year...we've had 3, not in a row mind you. 4th grade was awful followed up with 6th & 7th.
Lord hear my prayer!!!

This year sees Ian starting 10th and itching to start driver's ed. I hope he can get the grades at the end of the quarter so it can happen. "B's for keys". This year is Dru's last year in elementary school. I don't understand how that can be, pretty sure we started Kindergarten LAST year...right? Eli is in 3rd grade, I feel like I am not quite grasping that time is going fast and it also seems to be slipping through my grasp.
This year it would seem Im starting my 5th year working with two great women that I admire and are amazing friends and co-workers! Can it really be 5 years this year at the preschool??
Frank is doing ok...batteling kidney stones off and on. I feel so awful that he's going through this and I can't do a dang thing about it! And not much he can do even though he's had 3 surgeries trying to help himself.
Ok so I'm doing this on my phone and it's gonna die on me. So have a great day tomorrow! I hope to continue to post more and tell you of the adventures we've had this year!

I See You Visitors

So I can see that people are seeing my posts but no one is leaving comments.  Which of course is going to lead to this question. .. who is visit in this page??? Chime in and let me know who you are!!!

Not much is going on here and yet it feels like I'm the whirlwind kind of busy. Running to and fro to  appointments and whatever else. There are less than 3 weeks left until school starts... man that went fast! OK that's really just how I feel at this moment . Ha! Most of the time I'm ready for them to be back in school on the first day of summer.

We have some birthdays coming up. .. my mother in laws, my husband and then Dru.  Tomorrow is my mother in laws and husband's birthday. I have zero idea what to buy her for her bday...I asked and she said world peace. Ummm sorry I can't make that happen because I can't even manage to get peace to happen between my boys!!! My husband doesn't enjoy birthdays which makes it hard for the rest of us birthday celebrators. Not sure quite yet what to do or get him either. ... ugh!!!

I think Nikki and I may have actually put a hike on the calendar after a month absence on the trails. I'd like to think that soon or in the very near future I'll blog about my first ever backpacking trip. But for now my pack is still in a time out in the garage.  Actually this just means I need to get my camel pack figured out and contact the company to get a new hose...the one I have leaks bad. Also means I need to also contact the company about how to decipher their pictographs on how to get my solar battery charger to actually get charged by the sun!!! Ugh! I wonder if it will feel weird just carrying a small pack hiking.  We'd been training for a good part of this year with our packs as loaded as possible ...I think it will be weird.

I have been terribly lax in going to work our and eating healthy and I'm on my own nerves now. I'm sabotaging myself and it's getting old! Summer is so hard in this respect.  We basically have zero routine like we do from September to June. And camping...camping in a lot of ways is not easily conducive to healthy eating...mostly cause its camping food and a "vacation" state of mind. So for right now I'm focusing on eating better and watching portions again. And soon hope the workout part will follow. I'm gonna need to get my routine down quick fast and in a hurry. I'm thinking next week is good to start that for a number of reasons.

OK I think I've blathered enough...off I go. I think I'm gonna catch up on a show.  Most days I have a love/hate relationship with recorded shows...so many shows and NEVER enough time or attention span to watch them all!GAH!!

Hard Wired

I have been waiting for years to see these guys. ..Metallica!!!

The dreamy man you see here is the lead singer, James Hetfield. I tried to not fan girl too much. 

     

The view from our seats...not too bad really. Definitely didn't want to be down there!

There have been some fires in Canada and our air quality has been very bad...almost, if not dangerous levels. Check out that haze of the city skyline!! It was hard to breathe at times for sure. Today it looks way better than it has. I can actually see our mountain today! ! 

The older the kids get the more we get to do things and be with eachother. Just never saw us ever getting here...it's really kind of nice to be honest. 

This is the opening band,  Avenge 7 Fold. They weren't half bad. As you can tell the pit is starting to fill up for Metallica. 

Gun Shy

It's been 3 years since I last came this way and put words here. It's been hard being gone from here. My blog and my thoughts  here, have brought me heartache. I'm gun shy about coming back...I haven't really decided if I truly am. How I miss blogging though. There are a few that want this and a few who ask why do it again... if there is a big chance of the rain that could fall, should I walk this road again? All points valid. To be honest, I haven't been able to answer any of these questions enough to really jump in with both feet. I know what my heart wants. ..but it isn't always worth it. What will be worth the fight? What my heart wants or the betterment of others and maybe me (of which I'm not sold on...)

Connections

 

Better late than never I say...so here is our Thanksgiving.  This year was a year we stayed home and made a yummy dinner and ate ourselves silly and watched some Seahawks football!  GO HAWKS!

We only had one little glitch in the cooking of lunch and that was my roaster somehow getting turned off for who knows how long.  Thankfully I think we were only about half an hour later than the Noon time of lunch...or maybe it was an hour.  Either way one of these years I'm going to get a Noon time of a Thanksgiving dinner on the table! 

 

This is my table...I set it with my lovely table cloth and then consulted my Betty Crocker cookbook that isn't Betty Crocker but Better Home and Gardens cookbook, and set my table appropriately.  I really wanted candles in the middle but I ran out of room with all the food.  There are worse things to happen right? 

 

 

 

My family...there were a few disgruntled members who felt they should be able to show up to the dinner in pj's instead of a decent pair of pants and shirt, all non-holy pieces of clothing.  Someday all this work to teach them manners, etiquette and proper attire will sink in and be worth it...

 Since it was our year to stay at home, we invited just a few members of our family to our house for dessert.  The first to come were my in-laws.  They enjoyed some pie, Krumkaka (yes you read that right, it's a Norwegian crumbly cookie...tastes delightful with whip cream inside of it), Divinity, fudge shared by my Mother in-law and of course Egg Nog and chocolate milk.

 

It was a nice visit and I'm glad they chose to come!

 Next to show a bit later was my little brother and his son...we are missing my Sister in-law and little Miss...they had a rough day so the thought of getting into a car for an hour ride there and back,  was beyond daunting and down right intimidating.  Thankfully, this Auntie got as much baby sniffing and Auntie/niece selfies as possible the day before!  This time around we also enjoyed some pie, fudge, Divinity, Krumkaka and then we added in some Snicker doodle cookies...because Auntie heard that her nephew likes cookies...LOVE being an Auntie!!!

 

I felt both pictures were required because it just shows how goofy family can be and how many faces can these kids make???  We were only missing my parents who didn't make it to have dessert with us, we all missed them, and I definitely sent some yummy dessert their way!  Maybe they'll make it next time we do it!

 We were blessed to be able to have food on our table, to be warm, and have each other and many, many other things. I was very thankful to see my brother and his family and to be able to have a much needed heart to heart with my brother and feeling like we made a connection I hadn't felt in a long time. Thankful for my nephew and niece and thankful that my sister in-law is good about letting me pretty much hold her baby girl until Little Miss needed to eat and sleep.  She was so good about it and for that I am thankful.  In the end I hope everyone that came enjoyed their time with us!

Thank you Lord for all that you have given me and my family...I'm working on being thankful for the hard times that  I/we are  or have gone through so far...we are always thankful for the good things and times. I think it's just as important to be thankful during the hard times or trials we walk through.

Until next time!

Traditions

 

Our tradition of officially buying and cracking open Egg Nog (the fancy and expensive kind...where you pay a deposit for the bottle) and chocolate milk. It starts off the  holidays here at our house.  I can't remember why Lee is missing but I suspect he was not feeling well...that is what I'm remembering anyway.

 

 

 

I hope to post some more holiday pictures and stories!

Toodles for now!

Unbelievable

Not so long ago in the past we celebrated Dru's 8th birthday!  Eight you say?  Yes!

 

This year was Skylander themed, a video game he got for Christmas and really enjoys!

 Our resident 8 year old...heartbreaker this one!

 Happy Birthday son!

 Make a wish my love

Dru received a Sounders shirt as a gift.

 To go with his Sounders game birthday gift from mom and dad!

I hope he had a great day at his party and at the game and that all his wishes come true!

Escapades in Kilts

Early in July...well actually late in July Nikki and I went on an escapade to see Kilts...perhaps food too but really for kilts.  It all goes hand in hand...we need the food to sustain us to look at weapons and kilts. 

 

We were waiting for the Gathering of the Clans

 

 We went to the beer garden and it was so yummy...kilts and beer yummy.

 I don't remember what the beverage was called...but it had Angry Orchard and something in it. SO good!  Nikki do you remember? 

 

Thelma and Louise ride again and obviously can't look at the camera

 

 Honestly the array of kilts that we came across was simply amazing!  I really had no idea of the sheer amount of tartans out there. 

This one was very colorful!

 

 Do the Seahawks have an official tartan?  This poor guy figured out that his pictures was being taken.  He was a good sport...never said anything.

 And this guy...oh man this guy.  Where do we even start with this guy.  He was in the group Wicked Tinkers...and man was he wicked...wicked delicious!!

Outside of the eye candy the music was absolutely wonderful!

 

I have many...many pictures of this man...all in all the Highlander games was an absolute ton of fun! I wish my boys were old enough to go and seriously appreciate the affair what it is.  Someday maybe, but for now I go with girlfriends and we visit beer gardens and check out fellas in kilts!



Rebels With Out A Cause

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Candy cigarettes.....

 

 

 

......beer flavored jelly beans.

 

 

Yup...that's the kind of candy Auntie Anita and Uncle Frank get the kids while on a camping trip! 

 

 

You have to know how awesome we are!

 

Being an Auntie is some of the most fun I've had...ever!

 

Love these guys!

Smokey Haze

 

I'm sure that line belongs in a song or something...or I've heard it sung somewhere.

 

 

A few weeks ago we celebrated Frank's birthday much to his horror.  He's like this for birthdays like I am about holidays.  All horror!

 

Anyway, hard to get away with not celebrating anything with kids so off we went!  I think he had a tolerable birthday.  Dru made Frank an appetizer he had at Vacation Bible School.  Ian made him some cheesy breadsticks to go with our dinner of pizza.  I made him the cake he likes. The boys took Frank out to see the movie Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles...and I loosely mean they took him out.  Eli, Dru and Ian also used their own money and each bought him a beverage they knew he liked to drink.  Those boys will get you looking every time, right!?!

 

 

Here is the birthday boys cake

 Yes...all 38 candles are on that small cake!  I'm that kind of wife!

 38 candles all lit up...OH.MY.

 Making a wish and blowing the torch out!  So much smoke!

 Annual picture with the boys...still so much smoke...and serious faces too!

 Funny picture...at least this one is funny.

For as long as I have known Frank birthdays are not his thing...they are my thing however so the torture continues for this man.  OH well...
Happy 38th birthday Frank! 

Ruadh

 

Back in January we said Lee he could dye his hair...we had to tone (bahahahahha...snicker snicker...pun intended!) down his wants for color and scheme and what ever other crazy concoctions he had swimming around in his head.  Well push came to shove and we had to pay up, and we finally did the last month of school.  Why not it's just hair right?

 

Right.  I just wasn't gonna pick this fight.

 

So we asked Grandma to help and Grandma willingly did, poor lady!  Some days her grandkids have that woman run ragged!

 

So off to Grandma and Grandpa's house we go!

 

 

 

Off to work and planning just how to accomplish this, thank goodness Grandma is a professional!

 

 Doing some before photos

 We all just thought this was funny...Lee in a bonnet

 No pain no glory right Lee?

 Ruadh aka red was picked

 Bright!

 Catching up on a little bow and arrow action while waiting for color to set.

 An expedition to hunt for frogs...found one!

 End result...not quite what he was looking for and not quite what the gals said would happen.  So now we plan another hair day to get the right effect...can you guess what that effect is or was rather?

 Shock effect!  That would be what he was going for.

 Value achieved Lee!

 Because boys will be boys..."Mom it looks like blloooodddd!" "Cool!"

 After photos.  This kid and his goofy head shots are seriously cracking me up!

 If I ever thought about what a rats nest looked like...this would be it.  So thankful for conditioner!

 He wanted a chunk of it up front and then all around his head.  He really liked it.  Sadly the color has all gone out and he's left with bleached hair which actually look like natural highlights.  I have had several people stop me and ask if that's natural and that he's so lucky to have that and great hair!

So there ya have it...the boy got his hair done did!  Now I'd like to get mine redone...loved my silver and not sure what color I would do or go with purple again!