Sunday, June 1, 2014

I'm Lazy

Wow...it's been awhile since I last posted.  Way too long!  Many times I think of blogging this or that that happens during the day, or when something big comes along.  And yet as I'm sure you can all tell I have been lazy about updating this blog...which makes me very sad.  Because I do truly love to write here and tell you of the things I do or have been doing.  But what just dawned on me while I sit here typing is that like a lot of things lately this year I have become lazy and unmotivated...exercise, eating healthy, keeping house...maybe even some relationships.  Honestly I feel like I don't have a good reason for it, in the end we all have reasons and excuses.  What do I say to myself?

*Pardon the randomness of this post...nothing goes in order and I am writing as it comes to me*

Sigh...I feel like this year has been a year of change and all I see on the horizon is more change in the next coming months and following year..  Let's face it, I don't know many people who like change.  Do you? If I'm honest most times I'm digging my heels in.

To be fair change can be good and brings forth good things, but I still don't like it.

So many things going on or not going on for that matter, LOL!  I have children who have lost their minds.  They apparently think they don't need to help out around the house and we constantly battle that. Constantly battle attitudes, laziness (I see the irony here), homework, playing outside, you name it we battle it.  Just a constant battle.

Some good things though are that I'm in a Bible study with a great group of women and I am learning lots. I am excited to learn from these women who I feel have a lot to teach me and I have a lot to learn!  A lot!  I have been waiting for a long time to get/find a study and when this group of women decided to do one we got it done.  It may have taken awhile but we have met 3 times now and we plan on more.  I think we are all getting and taking something away from it, I know I am.  I am learning to trust and surrender things to God.  Learning (always learning) to not fear things...and fear is not of God, that I learned a few years ago, that is from the devil.  Of course all these things tie into each other but I feel like I am learning.

I am also learning that there are some crossroads in my life right now.  This is where the trusting and surrounding the crossroads to God.  It is really hard...really. Decisions are going to have to be made on many of these roads....am I allowed to have a mid-life crisis?  Just wondering.  Some are going to be hard, heartbreaking hard.  I'm also going to have to be honest with people and no more backing down and just keeping quiet.  I am practicing what I need to say, nicely but it's a matter of time and right now just thinking of some of them I can feel the butterflies/anxious feelings in my stomach.  This is scary stuff going on right now for me.

School is going to be out for the summer in 15 days, this is going to be a test of will power and sanity.  Wondering already who is going to come out in the end, all of us or just some of us?
I have a summer planned with a few things but we are trying to scale back and work on being savers.  We started in a few ways and didn't go Memorial weekend camping like we have done for so many years.  It's so expensive and we NEVER have the $$ we need.  It was pleasant not going this year and not spending $$ we never have and coming back from camping stressing about money.  There was no stress from that this  year.  What a feeling!

Eli has graduated from preschool which means now he's eligible to go to Kindergarten, much to my horror I must say.  I keep telling him he can't go, he keeps glaring at me saying he is going, he apparently has his dad on his side.  I am dreading the next school year (I should revisit this comment after summer and see what I say then, eh?).  Eli will be at school all day!  What in the world does that leave me with?  Well if he has to go to school I know a few things will happen. I will have a clean house for more than 3 minutes and it's going to be incredibly quiet.  I feel so lost right now...is this normal? I don't know, I just know I don't know what to do with myself and that's really scary.

There is so much more to talk about but no one has that kind of time and how boring.  LOL!  I will try my hardest to be better about posting more often, I have no excuses and I'm so tired of my own laziness that it has to stop somewhere, why not here? Why not get back on track?  Why not start now on what I can?  Surrender what I can't?  I must remember to continue to pray.  I have/had a goal and it was from the sermon at church today but as I was writing it out it didn't sound right so I think I need to remember/ponder it.  I think pastor said we need to be (like Christ was/is) an answer so other people's prayers...does that make any sense?


Alright, night all...sorry for droning on.  Have a great day in the sun tomorrow!







 

No comments:

Post a Comment