It's A Generational Thing

So here's the thing...my childhood wasn't that great and the long and short of it is that because of events that took place in my family...well lets just say that two sides of the families took a turn for the worse. Families always have their times when they don't always mesh well, well that's my experience anyway. Because of these events (very long story) it tore two families irreplaceably apart. I lost connections with grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles...something I will NEVER get back. It hurts and saddens me to the core! A palpable ache in the deepest darkest part of my heart. A bible verse comes to mind...the sins of the father shall follow the child....

Anyway, all that to say, the meaning of family is important to me and for as much as it's important to me I struggle with all that it means and the components that make up a family. CONSTANT struggle. So when moments like these come, and not every family is as privilege as my boys are, I take a picture of them. Frank is probably one of the few people I know of that had a great grandma in his 30's...which meant my kids had a great great Grandma...really blows my mind!

I miss my Grandpa that passed away 2 years ago...where did the time go? I have no other Grandpas. My children are blessed with 2 sets of Grandparents and a set of Great Grandparents...and these Greats love my boys with all their hearts and they love them back as much!


We have Great Grandpa ( do not be fooled by the wheel chair! It's only holding him back for awhile...until he can start walking around on his foot. He is NOT happy about the wheel chair!), Grandpa, Frank, Ian, Lee, Dru, and Eli

THE Cake

This is Eli and his love affair with the cake...it was a site to behold. He was tentative at first. He would put a finger in the icing and then lick it off and look around to see what people would do. After a few times of this he finally went for it. Now we are really digging in..this is YUMMY!Slowing down..just a wee bit though...the sugar high hasn't' hit yet...YET!He looks fairly clean from hereAnd here he is in a complete daze...his pupils are huge and he just sat there for a few...to really let the sugar sink in and mix around in there. He couldn't get the frosting in his mouth fast enough...It was pretty funny to watch!

This is Eli eating his cake...its long but funny!

November 21, 2009: Sparky pt. 2

So I know it's been awhile since I last posted and here it is. Here is Eli's birthday cake that his grandma bought him. It's tradition that grandma buys the birthday cake that the kids want...with in reason :) No triple threat ganache' for them :)This little bitty was Eli's personal cake...it was so cute!Here is the birthday boy...he got so big in a year. I did manage to get through the day with out really thinking about this day and it's meanings. I was so busy trying to get things cleaned and stuff put out before people came to the party. I managed to get the house cleaned but the kids weren't fed and the decorations were not put out...thankfully I had to lovely nieces who willingly put up Eli's decorations.We opened presents...he wasn't so into them, he came and checked them out but other than that...he was good. He was really checking this gift out...way up close!We did come across some tasty treats on a gift though and that rocked our world for a few minutes while mom cleaned up after people left.

I still wish I could have had this party somewhere else. Kids and adults alike wrestled in my tiny house and I again had to yell at my children to stop wrestling. My house is to tiny and there are to many people in my house for people to do that. And I really can't figure out why people keep doing this? It's beyond me. Anyway, the party is over and things have moved on...I was just very mortified that I had to yell to be heard above the noise...anyway...Eli got some good things and we all came to celebrate him.

The best part was watching that kid eat his cake...it was something to watch! That post is next. So stay tuned.

Thanksgiving 2009

Happy Thanksgiving from the Paulson Family

November 21, 2008: Sparky pt. 1

Here in pictures is a very small and condensed look (we could be here for a year+ looking). Enjoy.

Me and Sparky. Yes I look tired...wish I was pregnant a little longer...looking back.

Everyone has one of these if they are in a hospital...not where I wanted to be. Would rather have been at home giving birth...more natural, relaxing, and less invasive. I love my OB, but home is where I should have been. There's no place like HOME...Daddy in waiting...he was excited. Although he thinks cause I bought girl clothes just in case (weeks before his birth) that Sparky spent all the extra days growing a penis...cause I bought girl clothes. *shaking head*Just trying to get through it...it was really hard for me to be at the hospital having people touch me and not being able to labor in a pool/hot shower...mostly the pool. Last time it did wonders, it was AMAZING! Took 90% of my pain away.Sparky is HERE! I am in SO much pain and not happy...Proud Papa...what a work out for him too.My boyHis stats...the tiniest and scrawniest baby EVER! He needed some fat on him...his due date was wrong, one of my regrets. MY due date was Nov. 26Th and that's off...add 9+ days...he probably really should have been born in Dec. I caused a lot of problems for myself and him...such regret with that. But he had all 10 fingers and 10 toes...His going home outfit his daddy picked out for him...with the help of his brothers. A tradition in our home. Frank picks out the going home outfit for the baby, someday I'll post his outfit for if it was a girl (he bought his outfit before I bought mine...so it's his fault...if we are pointing fingers that is). Still boggles my mind at how little he was...Great Grandma and Sparky...that's how Sparky spend a lot of time...crying and fussing. What an experience. Great Grandpa and Sparky...hhhmmm he seemed to have the touch.One of my most favorite and cherished photo! My other babies look so young...it's only been a year!Dru was in a world all his own being a big brother...My most favorite outfit...I love this.

Well there was November of last year starting from the day of Sparky's birth to the end of his first month. Later today we'll get to his birthday...pt. 2

Chapters: Endings and Beginnings

Tomorrow Eli turns 1. I don't like this one bit. I am trying to get through all these emotions with out turning into a blubbering idiot. I want ALL my time back...ALL of it! Chapters are ending...and beginning, but all I see are endings right now. The first 9 months were so hard (I think if he'd been my first he really might have been the last) but I want all the time I was pregnant and those 9 months back. I would go back and change some things during my pregnancy(stick to my guns and not have evicted my child, why didn't I stick to my guns? WHY!?!) and the first 9 months I would change my attitude. Maybe if my attitude had been different the first 9 months might not have been so hard, maybe more enjoyable?

SIGH!

My stomach is churning about tomorrow...the tears are hardly being kept at bay....I don't know if I can do this...all I see are endings...no more first holidays, no more taking first steps, first tooth, first smile, first anythings....all those have ended with more things in the future ending...he'll be 2 eventually, when he weans himself (I might come close to dying when that happens), when it becomes apparent it's time for him to leave my bed...

Is it really ever going to hit me that we are all done? There will be no more babies? We are done? This is so hard...so permanent (I know its too late for these things but I've never stopped feeling them). Really? No more babies? My heart is pounding! I can't catch my breath...must...stop...and...breath....in....out...in...out... Will I ever be OK that we are all done? Will it ever soften? Will it get easier?

I know our whole family is here...I feel we are complete...no one is missing...content. Why do I feel this way? Because the decision has been made that's why...I think...I think. Such finality. No going back, committed to a decision.

I don't know if I can do tomorrow...it's his party. People are coming...a party to be had. I don't want to. If we don't have the party he won't turn 1...denial. Trying so hard to put my brave face on, maybe tomorrow will fare better with that. How do I get through this? It will happen, I will just go into robot mode.

Drown myself in chocolate cake tomorrow and maybe a drink or several.

Big Red

On Wednesday, Dru and I were watching cartoons and then all of the sudden out of no where Dru gets all excited. In a high pitch voice starts squealing "FIRETRUCK!!!!!!!!". Sure enough, right in front of our house. What a RED letter day!!!So I took Dru out there and we looked it over. I was kinda bummed the fireman were busy and they left before I realized they got back in the truck. Dru, however, was pretty tickled to just be as close to it as he was. There is my itty bitty man by the truck.I had to laugh, the truck was at our house on Wednesday. The same day that he came home early to surprise me. But before he surprised me he was on his way to the store and noticed the truck there so drove by to see if we were OK...un-beknownst (spelling?) to me. When he did surprise me and we were walking into the house I looked at him and said that I bet someone sees this and calls us...sure enough we got a call as soon as I walked in the door...couldn't have timed that better. We got 2 calls...cracked us up.

Hope everyone stays dry and doesn't get blown away tonight!

Butterflies

Meet the man of my dreams. He's a handsome fella, in my opinion. We have been together 11 years and married 9 of those. We have 4 children and wonderful home and I believe we are happy. We met in college when we were going to Central Washington University, while we were working at Tunstal Dining Hall (for some reason that looks like I spelled it wrong). Oh what a summer that was.We met the summer of '98 in the wee hours of a summer morning. My best girl and I were in the washroom (where all the dirty dishes came when people were done eating in the cafeteria) sitting on a stool waiting for all the other people who were working here during the summer to get there. And in walks this guy...GRUMPY as all get out (much hasn't changed). He stomped in and walked all the way to the other side of the room and leaned against the trough and folded his arms and just grumped and glared at the two of us. I turned and looked at my friend and said this is going to be a LONG summer. That was how I first saw Frank...found out later he'd been up all night partying and what not and didn't get much sleep. Pretty much how every morning looked that summer...Frank and myself after we started dating.

The summer went on and one day I had duty in the kitchen at the sink where the dishes the cooks used got cleaned first before they got washed. And in that hole in the kitchen I met this guy that scared the pee right out of me (remember I was still the shy and SO unworldly person that we all know me to be). This guys name was John and he was HUGE and obnoxious (OK only the last part the more I got to know him). Anyway, after being tortured by this guy (he tried to get my dander up and make me blush in all sorts of ways, cause I was/am a prude, which gave him ample ammunition). On one of those days he told me I should ask this guy out, this guy named Frank. He knew that this guy liked me and told me I should ask him cause this guy would never ask me out cause he was too shy.

After much conversation with my best girl and with this guy John(why I was taking advice from this guy I don't know...still don't know) I decided I would ask him...this guy Frank on a date. It took awhile and before long I finally got the gumption up to ask him. It took me ALL day to ask him. When I say all day I mean ALL day. He kept coming back to the hole I was working in and I'd ask him about Nintendo games and whatever but would never go any further. I couldn't get out of my mouth, would you like to go out on a date with me? Oh it was embarrassing (cause Frank KNEW what I was stumbling all over myself to do, ask him out...he was helpful even then). FINALLY I manged to get out do you want to play some video games together at your place. (We still enjoy playing video games with each other and on occasion I have been known to kick his butt, not often though) He said that sounded good to him. That took a lot for me to go out on a limb like that and put myself out there, and then to NOT be rejected! Oh what a feeling! So that afternoon we went to his house and played some video games before our next shift. As we were playing he asked if I wanted to go to the movies with him. I said sure that sounded like fun. So later that night we saw Saving Private Ryan...and it was DUTCH! I'm so glad I brought money with me...he asked I assumed he was paying...SO wrong! And really was that an appropriate first date movie? Oh well.

Well after that date that's really been it...the story is still being written. We had so much fun that summer and beginning of school that year. Trip to Leavenworth spending all day walking around looking in the stores and then spending hours looking for the movie theater they SAID was there. It wasn't until years later that we found it. The keggers his roommates would have and then Frank sending me and another one of my friends home 'cause the cops had been called (we were under age! I know what you are thinking but we all have some growing to do at some point, right?) Mom, if you are reading this just breath... We walked all over Ellensburg for months talking and getting to know each other. The first dinner I made for him, lasagna and then after dinner I promptly dropped it on the floor and broke the dish and ruined the rest of dinner...was SO embarrassed! First camping trip meeting his family..., being slowly tortured with football...11 years later I am actually kinda into it...not like all of them though. I like the Huskies and Seahawks...that's about it. All the time spent hanging out with Frank...I miss our walks. Tom Petty concert, trips to Yaki-vegas to do what I can't even remember anymore. Our first Christmas together...I was house sitting and he came back to E-burg as soon as he could. When we worked in the dish room together and we would quietly flirt...he was always bringing me presents...aka basket loads of silverware. When it was lunch time, sitting next to each other...felt like high school all over again. People teasing us...two shy people trying to figure out this whole dating thing. OK well mostly me cause Frank was my first boyfriend and I was not his first girlfriend. The night we walked home from the other side of town while horribly intoxicated (being drunk gives you all kinds of courage) and while walking telling him we were going to be girlfriend and boyfriend because I was tired of not knowing what I was...after months of dating...we were FINALLY we were exclusive! So many more moments in time...

Here is my man 11 years later! Still handsome and still makes my heart skip a beat. Today I thought I would surprise him with a small bouquet of flowers...they were as manly as I could find. I mean honestly, do flowers scream manly? Three roses and some other fillers in the bouquet looked quite nice next to my bouquet of red roses my husband came home early to surprise me with. We are so funny!

We had a great dinner at a local bar...just an FYI go with the 16oz alcoholic beverage and not the 20oz...Frank and I..well...had to sit out a while at the bar with our food. My wonderful brother in law survived Eli...he's such a good man! Eli only cried or needed to be held by his Uncle for 15 minutes and then he was off playing with his brothers and cousins...Frank and I could have been gone longer...DANG! Oh well it is a school night... Next year it's an Alaskan Cruise for our 10 year anniversary...we are looking forward to that one!

OK, I'm done with the small novel...hope everyone had a good night!

Unaware

So, was everyone aware of the fact that this week was November 21st and not next week? You did huh? Well good for you! I on the other hand was not aware of it. I thought November 21st was NEXT week.

Any idea what happens this week on that day? Any thoughts? Well i will let you know. That's Eli's birthday, he will be 1! This is upsetting!! I thought I had one more week to prepare for this! Wanna know how I found out I only have days before Eli's birthday and party? I thought you might...so here we go.

I called one of my sister in laws today and was talking to her about some things and then i asked her if she got my message about Eli's party. she said she had and that it was this Saturday and I said no it's next Saturday. She said well aren't you having it on his birthday? I said well yeah! (I'm thinking duh!?!) She said Anita, that's this Saturday. CRAP! Is all that's going through my mind!! Guess what's next week...Thanksgiving! WHO KNEW!?! Anyway, I have been telling all sorts of people that next week Eli was going to turn one...not this week! I have to be the goofiest mom ever...I don't know what kid I have with me half the time nor do I know when I gave birth to them.

I have a house that is a P-I-T to clean and a cake to order and decorations if I can swing it!!! What the heck! And as my mother so lovingly pointed out to me (I mentioned this in a previous blog post about boycotting) I can't very well boycott a birthday party I'm throwing at my house....do you know how disappointing that is?

Well there's another one of my moments...I am a little upset the 21st is this week and not next week like I had all planned in my brain thanks to whoever for throwing that curve ball in my plans. Thanks to those of you who didn't inform me of my error... (can you imagine my last minute scramble when someone finally decided they should say something to me cause they didn't want me to totally embarrass myself?)

I think I disturbed Frank a little cause I asked him if he knew about this and he said well yeah (was a common comment when I asked that of other people) and then he looked at me for a bit longer than normal and just shook his head and said jeez.

Just a little creepy side note...Frank was in his batcave doing whatever it is men all over this world do to get away for the noise of children and screaming wives...HA! I know what he was doing, he was back there taking some puffs off a horrible smelling cigar (a cheap one..the pricier ones smell better...guess if we and our stuff has to smell like something it should smell better that cat pee...that's just a personal opinion) and he let the back door open (no different that any other night) and all the sudden a HUGE rat came running into the batcave!!!! Lord love that man but he comes back in and tells me to not go into the garage or to let the children back there cause he just saw the biggest rat run into our garage and headed towards the big garage door. I THINK he was planning to take care of this tomorrow when he got home from work until I looked at him a little panicked and said ALL our food is in there...OK well not all our food but like our cereal and things like that...stuff they can chew through. So he decided that he would take care of it and he did. Frank came back in after 5 minutes and said well the rat is out and he'll never forget the night he tangled with with me! Then he went back and had a few victory puffs stogie...he's so weird...but he said it was the size of a small cat....stupid rain flooding them out of the nasty places they live!!!

OK I think that's good for one night...

Lee's Day

So my story starts out Monday afternoon of last week. Lee came home not acting like his self and I asked him if his ear hurt. He said yes (surprise!) and I went and took Lee's temperature and sure enough he hit 100' while at school. (I told Frank at least a week before this that he would catch a cold and it would settle in his chest and ears...and it did...3 days before he was scheduled to have his surgery...that's SO us!) So I gave him some Motrin and some ear drops I refer to as 'liquid gold' and that seemed to have helped cause he started bouncing off the walls.

Well dinner came and went and it was bedtime and that went fine (I should have known cause they were all quiet all at the same time). I finally am able to lay Eli down in his bed and while I'm doing that Lee wakes up to go potty and so I tap on the door and check to see how he's doing (he's been up off and on coughing). He tells me he's not doing so well and his ear REALLY hurts. So I take his temperature and I couldn't believe it...103.6!!! I just looked at him and said why didn't you come get me and tell me you weren't feeling good!?! I can give you stuff that will make you feel a little bit better! So I give him Motrin and Robitussin and with in secs of giving him that I got to see 'artwork'. He managed to spew all over the bathroom and get just a few drops in the toilet...oh what a long night it was turning out to be...cause on top of ALL that Eli of course woke up. I had to put him on my bed with his dad while I cleaned....YUK!

So I left the medicine bit alone and let Lee go back to bed and hoped his temp. would go down. Well at some point during the spewing and going to bed his ear started draining...again...tinged with blood...again...sigh! So I get Ian off to school and have left a message for the ENT as to what I should do cause by golly he's going to have this surgery on Wed!! He needs this surgery!! So they call back and have us come in and check his ear and actually do something I think sounds like it would feel good. They suctioned out the pus out of his ear...I could see his eyes roll to the back of his head...so they got Lee squared away and when she was done I asked her if she wouldn't mind looking at Eli's ears for giggles since we were there (he'd been a pill for a day or two again after being sick a few days ago...and been tugging at an ear) sure enough he needed meds too. It wasn't bad but enough for me to look at her with those mom eyes and she said you want a prescription for him too?? Yes please! So I got meds for Eli and another prescription for the 'liquid gold'. So that gal goes out and consults with the ENT and they decided that instead of getting an antibiotic at the pharmacy, Lee really needs to get it at the office.....in the butt. I have 2 other children there and they want him to get a shot in the butt.

I was not sure how I was going to do that...and since I had Eli and I tried to sit him down with Dru...yeah...that didn't work so well. So for the first time in my life, one person had to hold Lee down and the other gave the shot...he was very upset with the situation! I felt so bad and for that whole day his butt hurt and I know it did! But the shot worked and by the end of the day he was doing much better! And so was Eli...for 2 days that kid slept for what seemed like all day...I was afraid he was getting his days/nights mixed up!

So here is Eli on Tuesday AFTER he got his double dose of medicine...O-U-T!Lee...his butt still hurt.My two sick fellas...Lee on Wednesday. We had to get up SO early! I of course had stayed up way too late the night before...when will I learn? He has his lovey his Oma made him when he was a baby and he's got Buckey...Buckey used to me mine so he's well loved (I still miss Buckey but don't have the heart to ask for him back...sigh...). We had to be at the hospital at 6:45 AM...oh how our butts were dragging! So we get admitted and get in our hospital issued pj's...a bit drafty we noticed. He was for the most part happy go lucky.All cuddled up with his lovey. Pretty much all the ladies went gaga over it. I guess the ladies down in the OR are quilters and they loved the quilt mom!
Lee and nurse Lynn going over his important info...age...marriage status...history of anemia? You know the important stuff 5 year olds need to answer...We have now been transported to the OR. This tickled Lee cause they moved the whole bed and put it in the elevator!!!! So we are waiting for our turn, a little 16 month old boy went ahead of us...not much younger than when Lee went in for his first set of tubes (this was his 4Th set of tubes).So everything went OK up until it was time for him to get up off the bed and walk into the surgery room. That's when he broke down and started bawling, and as you know I'm the mom and it's never a good idea to break down and cry with your child. Darn it all I WANTED to cry with him!!! I hate that he's had to do this 4 times!!! That's my baby they keep messing with! They had to pick him up and walk him back there as he was crying and yelling for me...worst feeling in the world!

This is me waiting...waiting..waiting..waiting...anytime now...waiting...waiting...some texting...and waiting...and then they came to get me! WHEW!

Here is my baby! Don't you just want to rip everything off him and take him and RUN!?! I do every time! I refrained and just rubbed his shoulder and kissed his cheek. It took him a long time to come out of it...he and Buckey just snoozed away while I sat and waited and had to make idle chit chat with the nurses...so not what I wanted to be doing...wanted to be at home with my baby and not see him all hooked up to those things!

After he woke up and things were looking good they moved us back up to the room we were at when we started all this. Thank goodness! Since Lee was starving before he went into surgery they asked him if he wanted anything when he got back. He wanted toast and applesauce with some apple juice. Now if he were truly mine he'd put the applesauce on TOP of his toast...but he didn't. He didn't eat anything now that I remember. I ate the toast..figured I better leave the applesauce for him just in case.

So a few more blood pressure reads and we were outta there!

The more time that goes by the better his ears get. He said to me the next day, 'mom...everything is SO loud!?!' I thought that was funny...his ears were so bad and he really needed the tubes. They will check his hearing when we have his post-op appointment. The hope is he won't have a hearing loss like he's been having. He's had a 25% hearing loss in both ears for a long time...

So that was our big day...he's all better and was bouncing off the walls as we walked into the house coming back home from surgery. Made Frank and I both tired...all we wanted to do was watch movies all day and take care of a child who just had surgery and was going to be 'down' for the day. HA! Joke was on us!

Sorry this was so long but I hope you enjoyed the retelling of our day.

Jeeffffaaaaaa

Tomorrow evening a very good friend of mine and myself are going to see this man, Jeff Dunham. He's a comedian and is a ventriloquist. On top of ALL that he's hysterical! This is one of his puppets, I guess is what you would call them for lack of a better word, that is in his comedy routine. The puppets name is Achmed (sp?)...I have no idea if that's how it is spelled. Tomorrow my friend is coming to my house and we are going to treat ourselves to a wonderful dinner at the Olive Garden! Bring the bread sticks and salad on baby!!! I do plan on eating enough food to make my eyeballs hurt...I'm sure I'll let you know how that all goes.

Then after dinner we are headed to the Tacoma Dome and are going to laugh our butts off! I can already tell my gut is going to hurt...thankfully this time we won't be so close to the comedian that he could point me out like Beeiiilll did (that's Bill Engval for those of you who don't know). Anyway, it's gonna be a great night!

Update: Lee is doing well and has recovered fully. He was actually bouncing off the walls as we were walking through the door into the house. I wish I could have a tenth of that kids energy! It's amazing! After he had surgery I could whisper to him and he could hear me...the last few days I have been having to yell at the top of my lungs just for him to hear me...SO annoying! Eli is doing well. I think the antibiotics are working. He seems to be better, still a crank pot big time. We are slowly getting back to the old routine though...he's finally starting to willingly sleep in his own bed for a few hours so that I can reclaim my bed back for a few hours. An hour can do amazing things for my mind and sanity!

Take care everyone!

Meet and Greet

Because everyone loves Toy Story and my son Dru is no different, he does love the characters. Dru i s 3 and so is still learning...he can say that this is Woody.This on the other hand is Eyebulls...not to be confused with Bullseye. It gets funnier!Lastly, meet Buzz Light Beer...yes you read that right the first time...I can not stop laughing!!
That was my giggle I thought I'd share for the day, courtesy of Dru.

Been Laughing All Day

I came across an article today on MSN's home page called 'Surprising Uses for Your Dishwasher. It sounded interesting enough that I clicked on it to read more. It goes on to tell of how you can wash some toys, baseball caps...things like this. It does get weird though and here is where it gets weird.

They are talking about washing your hat in the dishwasher, which is all fine and dandy until I read further along and it mentions that when doing this, you need to not wash your hat in with dirty dishes cause the food particles MIGHT collect on the cloth of the hat!

Are you serious!?!? The fact they had to mention that at all is beyond me but you know someone out there did it...I been laughing over that one.

An FYI, crocs (as in the shoes) are not dishwasher safe...I wouldn't have guessed that one.

Here's another one in case on a whim you wash your garden tools because they do come into contact with chemicals and animals...don't wash those with your dishes either because of the chemicals...DUH!

In case you ever need another way to clean and cook potatoes for people just throw them on in the dishwasher...fast and easy. Anyone willing to try this out and let us know how it turns out?

Another thing people have washed in the dishwasher...computer keyboards (I'm not brave enough for that one).

Last of all, the grand finale, people are cooking salmon in the dishwasher. WHY!?!?!?!?!? The smell alone!!! Pretty much what happens is they put the salmon in tinfoil and seal it up and put it on the top rack and it goes through a cycle and it's cooked and probably moist it says...Weird people! OH! And don't forget to serve your salmon with lemon wedges..

I'm still trying to figure out the scenario that unfolded in which a person decided that for giggles they'd see just exactly what their dishwasher was really made of? And how did they fall upon that Salmon could be cooked? What did they try first and find out didn't work? How upset are they that this hasn't become the next big thing?

Well I hope you guys had at least a chuckle over this...

Here is where I saw the article, it's on the slide show that is on the very top. www.msn.com . Take a look, overall it was enlightening...sorta.