Words

Words...

Words are many things...supportive, demeaning, ugly, beautiful, descriptive, tear you down...you get the idea.

A verse comes to my mind..."the tongue is sharper than a double edged sword" and that's some serious paraphrasing, but you get the idea...I hope.

I have spent all day yesterday and today trying to put into words what exactly I was feeling. I had a moment or an experience...actually I don't really know what I had to be honest. All I know was that I haven't felt like I did that day in a LONG time!

It happened on Saturday and I decided that I needed to get out of the house and go do something....so I decided to go for a walk with the boys. I'd go somewhere where the boys could ride their bikes with out going in a circle. So Frank graciously loaded the truck up for me with bikes, car seats and helmets and off we went. There is a trail in town that runs parallel to HWY 410 and that's where we went. You can see all the cars and they can see you. We get there and get going and as we are walking/biking a truck drives by and the people in it are hollering in it and leaning out the window...they holler (and they are leaning out towards me even with some distance from them to me) 'well now there's a fat b****!' I'm so glad my boys were WAY ahead of me and they didn't hear that. I looked around and I was the only one on the trail...sigh...WORDS!

Now...(vulnerable time) I have to say how crushed I was, scratch that I am. And all I wanted to do was scream back was 'well have you noticed I have 4 children!?!' I wasn't blessed with everything you know! I haven't felt so bad about myself since high school! Talk about low self esteem...I mean how many times can you tell yourself 'it's only been 6 months since I had Sparky?' (insert your own name or situation where the name Sparky appears) Uuuggghhh! See what I mean about words? That was an ugly use of words...and really people don't have to yell those things...I'm pretty sure people know when they aren't where they want to be weight wise. It's not like it sneaks up on you...bite you in the butt or anything...honestly!

Anyway...I am feeling quiet vulnerable now and just icky inside and I must end this post now cause I might start crying...and if I start that who knows when it will stop. Sides I don't have time for a pity party...I gots things to do!

On a happier note...(outside of wanting to duct tape Lee to something so he'd quit bugging me) we had a great walk and I will probably do it some more. It took us an hour to walk the trail and at least we all got out of the house. Hopefully we can get Dru to ride his bike faster...that's why it took us so long. And hey I got to drive the truck AND I played girl music just to be spiteful.

So off to start my week with my super-girl underwear pulled up high (not too high though) and off I go back to doing what we all do when things like that happen to us. Rebuild and work on the things we want to fix.

Take care and enjoy this nice weather we have been blessed with.